Imagine you’re at a house party, and people are getting drunk. Slowly but steadily, they are raising their voice. And as more and more people do, you are going to have to raise your voice as well. At the end of the night, everyone is screaming in each others’ ears, without being any more audible than when everyone was talking at a normal volume. Even if you would want to escape this dynamic, individually deciding to lower your voice is not going to amount to anything: your friends will simply be unable to hear what you’re saying, and the people around you will fill up the silence.

Normally, when you feel you’re getting the short end of a stick, for example when the supermarket sells you expensive mushy cauliflowers, or when the organization you volunteer at treats you disrespectfully, you go and find what you need somewhere else. This ability to “defect” to an alternative when you feel you’re not getting a good deal, is an important “power” that helps you get reasonable deals.1 When it comes to the way we relate to each other digitally, arguably one of the main ways in which we relate these days, we do not have that luxury.